Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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