I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
