Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Watching her eat just hurts me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
