we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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