So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
