What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
