If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
