Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
