I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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