you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize