but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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