Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
