i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
