Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
