Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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