Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
