some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
