I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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