so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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