3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
