I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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