I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
