Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
