sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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