he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I want to fling myself into the sun
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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