im drinking this country out of the recession.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
