Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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