Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
