Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
