At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can Purell be used as lube?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
