Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
