Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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