...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there's paper in my vomit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize