you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
