i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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