Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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