i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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