i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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