Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Randomize
