Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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