Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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