We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
