As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
