I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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