So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
