No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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