The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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