no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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