I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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