i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
