the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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