I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
