Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
