i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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