Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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