I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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