I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
