tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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