hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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