Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
