I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
