It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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