K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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