Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
