3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize